It’s me, again <3 I’ve been feeling weird and sad in the past weeks. I feel so tired and lonely. I feel messed up. I also feel like I am back in 2020. I feel the same thing as what I felt during the first few months of quarantine. Is that bad?
I’ve been trying to look for money since January 2022. I tried applying as a freelancer but, I don’t know yet how to do the whole process of applying since I am also stressed with my studies. I joined stan Twitter in mid-February and it kept me distracted from my problems for a while. Well of course it didn’t solve my problem so now, I am still stressed about it. It made me buy a lot of merch in a short period of time but, also led me to the idea of ‘buy and sell’. I invested a little money in buying sealed and unsealed albums and hopefully, I’ll be able to sell them. However, I realized that it is easy to buy but never to sell. It is easy to say mine but never to say sold. Besides merch, I’ve been selling my old stuff too like my keyboard, bookstand, books, and etc. It’s fun packing and I feel like I am falling in love with buying and selling items. Now, I am trying to earn more money so that I can start buying clothes to sell. I don’t have enough money yet but I am trying my best to sell my old stuff to begin my small business. It’s really hard to control yourself from buying the things you want when you have the money for your needs. I want to buy books like Harry Potter and Sherlock, skincare, makeup, etc. That is why my cart is always full haha. I also want to buy some of my needs like hair care since I am starting to get bald from hair fall and to have eye checkups since I am not able to use the eyedrops for months my ophthalmologist recommended me to use. I also want to have an overall checkup since I don’t feel well with my body, my posture doesn’t feel right, I’ve been having headaches for weeks, and of course my mental health, too.
I’ve been asking for help with my mental state. I made a progress!! I am not talking to professionals yet but I went to our guidance council last week and I just got my recommendation letter to a psychologist. I haven’t got my schedule though since I am waiting for my senior so that we can schedule together. My parents don’t know any of that yet.
Moving on, because of all of these, I am not able to focus on my class. I’ve been experiencing a blank stare most of the time and I’ve been starting to talk alone with my imagination. I bought a lot of plushies and it helped me feel less alone. I feel like I am with some people. Also, we’re getting a bunny!!
That might be all for today. I hope you all are well and remember to stay hydrated.
I love you!
Cassandra
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